Have you ever went to a restaurant that you’d heard really good reveiws about, but when you tried it, it didn’t give what it was supposed to gave?! Or maybe you tried a new hairstylist recommended by close friends and you came out feeling like ehh?! What about when you finally reached a point in life, that society has always hyped up, but once you got there it was nothing like all the hype?! I feel like that’s getting the short end of the stick. Like, why didn’t I get the experience like everybody else? What’s so different about me? Or, what did I do?!

It’s been a few months since my last post and that’s because I thought what I was doing was going to help push me to a better place mentally/emotionally and post more. Hmph, was I wrong! I up and moved to Jamaica and have been here for the past few months. My purpose and goal for coming to Jamaica was to spend much needed quality time with my husband and to get some sense of peace and relaxation. Away from all the noise and division in the States. And, you would think being on an island surrounded by water and beautiful weather that that would do it for me. Well, life is funny sometimes. Or, should I say, our expectations in and of life is funny sometimes.

The past few months I lived in a 3 bedroom/2 bath apartment in the hills of Jamaica. No real “view”, no hot water, no a/c, and poor water pressure. A peaceful and quiet area for the most part. Minus people talking loudly, construction, music blasting and bikes (dirt bikes) biking, lol. Ended up losing my “day” job basically because I was no longer available to come into the office. So now I have no money coming in. I’m basically living off credit cards and the child tax credit payment I’ve been receiving monthly. My husband don’t have money coming in because of, hmph, not working. I recenty opened an online thift store, but that’s not really generating consistent income at the moment. I’m trying to open an extension of my thrift store here in Jamaica, but I’m not having any luck with that. So my spirit and expectations has gone down….drastically.

I can’t “officially” work here in the country without proper documentation of course. So, I thought maybe I could rely more on my husband during my stay. But, the expectations with that went out the window too. I just feel like I always have high hopes and expectations for myself, yet I always get the short end of the stick. Back in the States, everything I tried, that was highly recommended to me, I didn’t the “highly recommended” treatment. I’m feeling like I’ve been putting my high hopes and expectations onto others and not myself. So, is it that I’ve been receiving the short end of the stick? Or, I’ve just been giving myself the short end of the stick?

I just recently move to an oceanfront view apartment and I feel like something within me has changed. Yes, I’m still broke AF, but I feel better about my life’s future. I have a better outlook on life now. I’m feeling how I expected to feel when I first moved here. And, I believe that is so because I had to make a decision on exactly what I wanted rather than just settling for something because of my high hopes and expectations of others. Now, I’m not encouraging anyone to make any bad financial decisions or anything. Because moving to this beautiful oceanfront apartment was definitely not the wisest financial move, but a great move mentally, emotionally and spiritually. Definitely a HUGE leap of FAITH.

So, whenever you’re feeling like you’re getting the short end of the stick, reasses yourself and your environment. Be real and honest with yourself. What is it that you really want? What is best for you? What is important to you? What makes you happy? What brings you peace? A goal of mine while here was to learn how to just be. Just be in the moment and not stress and overthink about tomorrow and the future. I’m still battling with that, but not as much. One day, one moment, one step, one thought at a time.

So just be. Keep having high hopes and expectations for yourself. And, stop giving yourself the short end of the stick. I know I will.

Until next time…

Love, Peace & Blessings

** Shameless plug in…shop rbthrift.com