There’s been a couple of things that have been bothering me for a little bit. But I just want to get this one thing off my chest. It’s been really bugging me since it happened and every time I try to move on, something keeps pulling me back. It’s like something is constantly reminding me of it. So, I felt like writing it out would help me more so than just a vague social media post. And I don’t know how much I can elaborate on my thoughts and feelings about this…. but here it goes.

Life. It can be a beautiful thing and/or experience. Or, it can be a huge, ugly ass beast. I think it’s whatever we choose to make it to be, despite the reality of it. We recently threw my dad a surprise 70th birthday party. Nothing fancy. Just a gathering of family and friends to come together to eat, drink, and be merry. I wanted to do some extra stuff, but things didn’t work out as planned. Serial procrastinator. 🤷🏾‍♀️ I’m not an event planner, so it is what it is. Or, it was what it was…. whatever. 😏 Nonetheless, everything at the party ended up being very nice. EVERYBODY loved the food and the decor. Big shoutout to the caterer and his team for all that. But, outside of the aesthetics of everything, it’s been this one moment towards the end that’s been such a gray cloud hovering over me.

As mentioned earlier, we celebrated my dad reaching 70 years of age. Of life. Of growth. Now, here in America, that’s a big thing. Its what’s considered one of life’s milestones. A reason to celebrate and give someone their flowers. Right?!?? Honestly, in my opinion, I believe every day above ground is a milestone and a reason to celebrate. Every birthday reached, regardless of number, is a milestone. So, with all that being said, let’s get back to the matter at hand. Towards the end of the event, I asked if there was anyone who wanted to give a few words of love/flowers to the guest of honor. Who, by the way, just reached this big “milestone” of life. I don’t use this often, but Google, play the sound of crickets. 🦗 Nothing. Nada. No one. Silence. You follow me? One person did eventually get up after a few moments of silence and shared a few words. I appreciate that dearly. Big shoutout to my aunt! ❤️ But, outside of that, it was very disappointing to see that no one wanted to say anything, when normally they would have. Including the guest of honor. Shame. Disappointing. And that’s what’s been bothering me!!!

Now, if this was his funeral (which is a different celebration of life), multiple people would probably get up to share their MEMORIES of him. By the way, someone mentioned that this wasn’t a funeral when I asked if anyone wanted to express some words of love. My question is, why do people wait to do it then?! At funerals, that is. Ironically, folks will talk about giving people their flowers when they’re alive at their funerals, but not when they’re alive at their birthday celebration. Why do we as people wait until something tragic happens to speak good things? Life is too short and fragile to not speak now. And let me say this, some can argue that not all people like to speak. I get that. I’m one of them. But, when you’ve experienced certain things and certain people, you kind of expect certain things. Come to think of it, I think all my feelings towards this boils down to expectations. But, outside of my aunt, no one cared to give any flowers that my dad could smell. And that was very disappointing to me.

As I mentioned earlier, my feelings towards this manner all comes down to expectations. I expected more people to share love and flowers to my dad for reaching 70 years in this ratchet ass country. Therefore, I was left disappointed. But, the people didn’t disappoint me, I disappointed myself. I put too much expectations and dependency on others, when I should’ve just put all that on myself. I should’ve just said something myself and been done with it. But I probably would have still felt the same. We can’t expect for others to do the things that we want or desire. And I’m still a work in progress in regard to that. But, as long as I’m living, I’m learning and evolving, no love lost. I just know better now of what to do and expect of myself.

Life is an experience. And from that experience we should learn something. From this experience, I learned not to place my expectations onto others. And to express my love and gratitude to others while they can receive it. To give people time to actually smell the flowers being given to them.

We’re all in this together. Until next time…… Love, Peace, and Blessings. ❤️✌🏾🙏🏾