Sometimes I just do not understand the purpose of life. Why can’t everybody just be happy and care-free? Why do we have to suffer or experience non-happy things, times and/or moments in our lives? Why do everybody gotta deal with bullcrap because supposedly two people made a decision to eat an apple from a tree they weren’t supposed to? And, I apologize if this seem to be another depressed sounding post, but I just don’t get it!!! I’m high-key confused! If my neighbor just randomly decides to spray paint their yard neon pink, why should I be fined for their decision? It’s like being guilty of crime due to mistaken identity. Make it make sense. Or, am I making any sense?

I feel like I have to suffer and endure stupid unnecessary shit because of people I’ve never met. But, “just be patient” they say. “What don’t kill you will make you stronger” they say. Stronger for what?! Stronger for the next episode of bullshit?! Nah. That’s a hard pass for me. Y’all can keep that. I’m so frustrated with life right now that I legitimately understand why SOME people become addicted to drugs and/or alcohol. Why SOME people are comfortable with being so called “bums”. I so strongly want to say, FUCK EVERYTHING! Walk away from everything. Just like that. But then I think, what about my boys? If they were already out on their own, I believe my decision would be soooo much easier.

Kendrick Lamar said in one of his songs, “Asked for a piece of mind, you charged me for it”. Every time I hear it, all that comes to mind for me is that I gotta pay someone $200+/hr just so they can basically medicate me to become numb. I can numb myself, if I want, for much less. But what’s worse, prescribed medication or self medication?! That’s a slightly off topic. But, hey, this is my public personal journal. Nonetheless, I just want to be happy and carefree. I feel like that point of my life is near. Maybe I’m just overthinking. FML.

Thank you for your time to read my rant of incomplete thoughts. Have you ever had similar thoughts? Or, am I once again just overthinking things?

And for the family and friends that do read my blogs, please don’t check in now and/or leave “encouraging” words. I’m good luv, enjoy. 🙃

Until next time….

Love, Peace & Blessings 🙏🏽❤🖤💚