“A distressing emotion aroused by impending danger, evil, pain, etc., whether the threat is real or imagined; the feeling or condition of being afraid. Concern or anxiety. Something that causes feelings of dread or apprehension. Anticipation of the possibility that something unpleasant will occur.”

I’ve always heard that “nothing in life is easy”, “nothing in life is free”, “nothing worth having is easy”, or “that nothing in life is just given to you”. Why the hell not? Why can’t life be like it is portrayed in movies? Is the uneasiness and hard work of life what causes people to fear? Is not knowing the outcome of the future what causes people to fear? More so, is it what causes me to fear? Am I really afraid to put in work and deal with the uneasiness of life? What is it that I’m so afraid of? I f***ing hate feeling like this.

So, lately I’ve been feeling like I really need a change of everything. I don’t see any future progression with my job. I don’t feel like I’m in the career field I want to be in. Matter of fact, I know that I’m not in the career field I want to be in. But, you know what’s crazy about that, I don’t even know what career field I want to be in. I feel like I can do whatever, but I don’t have a passion for most of it and I’m not consumed with doing something just for the money. Then, this whole buying a house process is really starting to get to me. I’m tired of being in this house with my parents, but not too tired to get back in the rent game. This Coronavirus pandemic is messing up my wedding and travel plans. My whole reality is bothering me right now. Why can’t things just go like I’ve planned it in my mind? I don’t know whether to keep going or just say, F**k It! I feel like I’m steady going up a steep muddy hill without the proper shoes and/or equipment. I honestly don’t know if I’m just tired of the struggle, or if I’m just fearful of continuing with the process feeling like nothing is going to change. I’ve heard that if you don’t like something, then change it. 😏 Buuuuttt….

Where do I go from here? Where do I start? When do I start? How do I start? What’s holding me back? I feel like I know the answers to all of those questions, yet I still feel like….WTF?!?!?!!!

“If I could smoke fear away, I’d roll that muthaf***** up. And then I’ll take two puffs.” That’s an excerpt from Kendrick Lamar’s song called, Fear., from is album, Damn. According to several contributors from genius.com, their interpretations to that short excerpt means, “…taking the easy way out of “conquering” fear by getting high. While the immediate effect of being “high” could take away the fear, it only lasts a night and the cycle will continue to repeat itself. The only true way to conquer your fears is to tackle them head on and overcome the “weakness” to break the cycle.”

What can of advice would you offer me? What would you do if you ever felt like I’m feeling? Or, maybe you’re just a fearless soul. If so, how can I get on that level? So, until next time… puff, puff, inhale, exhale. 😉

“For God hath not given us the spirit of fear, but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind.” 2 Timothy 1:7

“The greatest fear you face is yourself.” – Kobe Bryant

#MAMBAMENTALITY 💪🏽